The Internship Saga

As I pack up to go back to start XL 2.0, a flood of memories splash across my mind. 2 months can indeed have a great impact on an individual. And don’t know why, I feel quite a few changes in me. It definitely has been a very happening 2 months. A cursory view into it might seem like a failed outcome of what “mattered” most, but is it? Needs some thought.

As usual, leaving home to go back to college, in fact, anywhere after a break, has been tough for me, but every time I have gone out, it has helped me become a better person. Flash back to 2 months before! When going to Mumbai on a 2 months roller coaster ride, seemed to be a dampening proposition to me. And then, Mumbai happened, HUL happened and a few friends happened. Actually, an experience is what it was, an experience that made a small town boy see the bigger world around him.

Interestingly, for the first time in life, I haven’t felt miserable about the failures of a journey, but felt intensely passionate about the new additions, new purposes and a sense of satisfaction of doing something, that matters. The internship if we talk about, didn’t end up in a very good note. But for the first time, the calmness of “I gave my best” fills me with a sense of satisfaction. There were people from whom I learnt things, and when I say things, its not just work, knowledge, it’s a way of living. I got to meet some fabulous people, be it me my boss, some friends or a roadside stranger, who taught me way more about life, than the work at the internship did.

And Mumbai awed me!! The notion I had about the place earlier broke apart like a bolt of lightning. Not that, I would still like to spend a very big portion of my life in Mumbai, but I really admire the place. What makes it unique are its subtle nuances and the stark contrasts. There are two sides to everything in Mumbai. The place seems to be living, seems to have its own soul and seems to be learning and adapting to its external environment every moment. The feeling is internal and probably, best felt once you feel it yourself.

2 months and it seems to have made me feel very independent and free. Seems to have broken open some mental barriers and shackles that chained the inner me. It has taught a way to redefine solitude as a form of celebration and to make a few moments worth it. At the same time, it has shown me how fast life can change. Within all the changes, the memories still dwell, in the deepest abyss, flashing on and off, every instant, when you need them and even, when you don’t need them.

In the end, the 2 months has been really wonderful. And ends up perfectly, being at home for a week and meeting some of the closest ones. XL 2.0 awaits. Last few months of student life and I hope, it will be as much of an experience, as the last 2 months have been.

Signing off
A.M.

The "Joe" in You

The world is actually a funny place. Nah! Actually a tough place for people who are too concerned for the general welfare of every creature who they have by their side. In your life, no matter how much you try, you can’t make everyone happy in your life. And true it is, if you can make sure that the majority is, then you lived your life good enough.

There was this guy, lets call him Joe. Calm, apparently cool, smiling and so on! People attribute so many things that bring happiness in their lives. For him, happiness was just being loved, nothing else. Never did he make a fuss about anything. Very sincere, responsible about whatever he does and made to do, he made sure he gets everything done. He still doesn’t make any fuss about it.

But I wonder where he goes wrong. Is it actually him or is it people around him? There was a part of his life when success seemed an alien concept. It was hard to think of why he was where he was, in spite of the way he was, how he was. He had a small friend circle. All the revelling he did, was confined to this group. He never seeked attention then, never does, never will. He was still known to people. His actions spoke for him, he never did. But he always thought, was it the place for him?!!

He would always be too modest, not speaking a word about anything he did well, anything he was ever good at. Joe was a gentleman. And I don’t think anybody who talked to him would deny that. People around him , actually a lot of people made a lot of fuss about themselves. He would listen smile and admire and keep quite. He just believed God will give him what he deserved someday.

On the pursuit of being too very modest, he sometimes stopped believing in himself. I hated that about him. So much have I tried to explain him, that he is good, too good, he is just not ready to believe, even though he has already proved himself now. He believes he is getting lucky. Often do I draw his attention to the level of hard work he has done! He had failed too many times, has been very disappointed and heart-broken but never given up.

But interestingly, the world is so ironic again. Now he is in a much better place. He speaks very less now. Not that he doesn’t have friends. Not that he doesn’t enjoy his life with them, not that he is alone, but he speaks too very less now. I asked him the reason. Even he doesn’t know the reason for it. But yes again he works. He is still responsible, just not visible. And God knows why, people still talk about him. He is just so non-ignorable. People just find a reason to talk about him, may be they are just jealous!

Does he care? Yes he does. Why?? Because he is just too concerned about what everyone thinks about him. He says “ I never mess with anyone. I do my own work and even other’s work properly. I hardly talk. I never gossip. All I mean to is keep people happy, then why people have to be just so shitty at times?”. Well I have tried to make him understand that people talk, no matter what, just don’t care about it. But he does. And at the end of the day, I think its best the way he is, lets not try to change him. God made him that package. Let him be himself, may be someday he will be proud of what he is.

In each of us, is hidden a Joe. We see it. We question it. We answer it and in the end, we stay ourself. And believe me, that is what we are ever supposed to be!!

Signing Off
A.M.

What Money Can Buy..

Term- 3 begins!! 15 days of vacation comes to an end. And here I am back at base. The vacations weren’t very eventful, but the feeling at being home is always that of being in a different world altogether.
Its been a long time I haven’t been writing my blog. Well, not really intentional, I have been so busy writing so many other things that I really haven’t got time for this. Or is it? May be its never about time, its just about priorities. It is just a lack of motivation, a lack of reason, a lack of any such inspiration to write, something/someone stole them all!!
And talking about money, can money also be a priority? Yes it can. For some people. Maybe for a lot of them. Money has the power even to bring about motivation and the zeal to do things. Money matters!! But how much? And How far??
I am pursuing a career, people say, whose sole purpose is to earn more money. And its true as well. An honest answer (of course, its too dangerous to be too honest) to the question “why mba” could well be more money and if you want to extend with some more irrelevant stuff, then better career perspectives blah blah!!
And so does everyone opines. When I think, why I chose this career, I wonder!! Was it really about the money as people say? What and how much money can buy? How long can it buy? I don’t mean to say money doesn’t matter. But after a certain limit, no matter, how much more you have, its all the same. For me, this career was just a stepping stone to something else. It gave me the conviction to believe that I exist and can very well exist further. And again the question, did I chose it? I would call the question rather too ambiguous because it chose me. Is it the road ahead? I would say its just a means to an end!
A few days back, a friend reminded me of the Myntra discount offer going on!! My first thought was we try to earn money, we try to make judicious use of it too, we try saving it, manipulating it, doing so many things to it. But can it buy anything more than some material pleasures? I wish there were some offers about things that money can’t do anything about. Yes, there are a lot of things that money can’t buy. And I don’t want to get started with what they are, because we all know it.
I wish money could have bought me things I want! But when I ponder, there is hardly anything, I want, that money could buy. I wish life gave discount offers too. A 2 day sale where you ask the heavens for anything and it got answered!! But unfortunately life has a much more complex business model than Myntra. What you want is what you hardly get, what is right is what you get, what is right is beyond our sight, and what we sight, is merely an illusion.
If we consider possession or well-being to be a dependant variable W varying linearly, let M be the money factor and Life be the variable “x” factor
W= M + l *x where l is dynamic variable dependant on numerous known and unknown variables
-∞ As long as ‘l’ varies this defiantly, what can the M factor do??? Probably this l is what we call destiny!! And that is all that matters!!
Signing Off
A.M.

The Rain Dream

The rain, it pours through the window panes
In the hazy glass, I drive down the lanes
The silhouette of that face dances down my mind
I close my eyes, and very close, its her I find
“Is it a dream?”- Puzzled I think
But so wonderful the feeling, I let it sink
An angel, she comes, in a wedding gown
Overwhelms my senses, in beauty profound
Holding her hands, I walk into the rain
The touch, as such, cleared all my pain
The relief was such that it got me high
My heart soon began to fly
A rainbow she was in the rain
Colours she brought to my life again
Lost was I in her sky of love
Little I realised, when the storm broke off
Scared I was, I held her tight
I wasn’t gonna let her go out of sight
Tighter I held on to my butterfly
Oblivious the grip did hurt her by
But why?
The storm had blocked the flow
of Expressions, that delved in low
I sought and fought to find the stream
The lost flow of my lovely dream
It was lost, and my grip
Made worse the storm and the trip
Exhausted the heart, just the faith rests
The hope that it is just a test
Oblivious she is in the storm
Unaware of the grip’s trembling form
Till it stops, I am ready to be lone
The love that is, will never be forgone
It wasn’t a dream- soon my mind mumbled
She was my Dream, who held my heart humbled
Sooner or later, as the dream wanes
I come back through the window, as it rains
And close I find her, every moment, time and again!!!

A.M.

The Recent Past

It seems like I am on to the end of a fascinating journey. A journey which involved several crests and troughs,fun and frolic, giving and recieving and a whole lot of good and bad.But its been a journey worth remembering. Now lets save reminiscing the whole journey for a later post and wander into the world of the recent past.Delving into those 14 days!! Away from home, Away from work, Away from friends, Away from people who matter onto the building of a quest which was never faced. A quest which was very new, very challenging but I loved it. That first flight,The first takeoff, the ultimate feeling of a surge, the sudden and smooth generation of acceleration, the feeling of being high, high up in the sky, the fast moving world taking a rapid turnaround into a landscape of tiny lined stationary dots, the way they look on a google map view, a speck of lights and a wonder of sight. Those meetings with people special, people close to the heart but away from the mind, the sudden realisation of the bond we share,turned the quest into a wonderful and a wholesome experience.The world at times feels a small place. The realisation dawned upon on changing my coordinates pretty substantially 3 times in 3 consecutive days and meeting three different people. And then what? Back Home! A quiet celebration of another long journey, an anniversary of the two people forever closest to my heart, and then back to work, back to friends! And know what, being away, I never felt away, I felt closer to people who mattered, the insecurity was minimal, all the good feelings dispersed all around me. And back here with a lot of hopes for better things to come by. And back, till now, it has seemed dreamy. The bike rides and a day dive into the country with a cavalcade of heart warming mates, those memories, those bring-a-smile-to-face clicks!! Ah sometimes life seems perfect without anything. Sometimes it feels happy to be happy without reason and sometimes happiness arrives on just being happy. I believe the pursuit of happiness has better things in store for me and when I say me, it also encompasses the people around me. The world goes a full round, what it takes,it gives back abound, happiness makes my patronus profound, Funny it might seem, but I just love now the way I sound :)

Signing off
A.M.

Interview "RahulGandhi-ed"

There were questions and there were answers, but there was barely a connection between the two. Rahul Gandhi's debut sit-down interview to Times Now was a debacle to put it kindly. If the anchor started by asking for a pledge to be specific, Gandhi ensured he was anything but. 'Women empowerment', 'democracy', 'RTI' and 'systemic change' were catchphrases that played almost in a loop, finding their way abundantly in Gandhi's answers. But he ducked more serious questions on corruption (Adarsh, Virbhadra Singh, getting political parties under the RTI ambit), refused to apologise for 1984, stuttered sloppily on 2002 and feebly expressed confidence that the Congress was battle ready for 2014.

Gandhi played the sympathy card too, evoking the deaths of his father and grandmother when asked whether he was avoiding a direct face-off with Narendra Modi because he was afraid of losing. And he chose mythology to elaborate on a point about his focus on bringing about systemic change.
"Arjuna only sees one thing, he does not see anything else. You asked me about Mr Modi, you ask me about anything and the thing that I see is that the system in this country needs to change, I don't see anything else and I am blind to everything else. I am blind because I saw people I love, destroyed by the system," Gandhi proclaimed somewhat unintelligibly. Arjuna aimed for the bird's eye. Gandhi did not specify what precisely it is that he was aiming at, and perhaps forgot that he and his party make up the system, and have been the system for a better part of the last 60-odd years.

The snap verdict on social media: He was anxious, evasive, sometimes shrewd, relied too much on clichés and went ill-prepared, but also came across as being endearingly vulnerable and sincere. While that may not provide much solace to a party in election mode, one couldn't help but contrast the calm, polite demeanor of Rahul Gandhi as a breath of fresh air to the more antagonistic, unwilling-to-be-grilled posture of Narendra Modi, who has in the past walked out of interviews when the going got tough.

Whether Modi is ready to face tough questions ahead of the polls remains to be seen, but what became obvious as Gandhi's interview went from being dull to comic to sad and into the realm of the bizarre by the time it ended, was that he evidently doesn't belong to politics. The long pauses, the ruminating, often disjointed answers, the nervous twitching of the eye and the perceptible helplessness in answering rough questions pertaining to his party's dismal track record made him appear more like a Shakespearean tragic hero resigned to his looming downfall, than a budding young politician waiting to win a battle.

As if to reinforce his image of the reluctant politician, someone who is in the business of politics because of the family he hails from, Gandhi gave a winding explanation of how he didn't have it in him, the quest for power. "I am an anomaly in the environment that I'm in... I don't get driven by the desire for power... For me power is an instrument that can be used for certain things... it's not interesting to own it, to capture it or to hold it," he said.

While the irony of this statement, coming from the heir of the Nehru-Gandhi dynasty was hard to miss, somewhere it also betrayed Rahul's insufficient hunger for the role he is being prodded to play.That's undesirable, and doubly so at a time when passions have been flared, the nation is witnessing an Aam Aadmi revolution and Gandhi has to face off with not one but two staggeringly popular opponents.It was always going to be a tough fight, but after this interview things have possibly gotten much harder for Gandhi. The anchor must be applauded for skipping the deferential tone reserved for interviews of this kind, but was the Robert Vadra question not sufficiently pertinent to be asked?

The interview has gone viral among the youth more so because of its comic nature than anything else leading to the creation of some hilarious jokes. One among them, when being how your interview went by. You can say definitely better than Rahul Gandhi. If Rahul Gandhi was a verb, a bad interview can be explained as “I rahulgandhied the interview”.

Signing Off
A.M.

Winds Of Change

Lifes funny!! And especially funnier when it makes a big fool of you. When you find yourself feel like so stupid in front of your own eyes. And especially when the feeling is all new. But I guess I made it kind of complete now, I have had the experience of having all kind of shocks in my life now. And the variety transcends all limits probably. I feel like laughing at myself, but my inner one already seems to be mocking at me. Accusing me of making a real fool of myself.

Deep down, I wonder was I so vulnerable? Am I so bad at interpreting human behaviour? C’mon it cant just be so big an illusion, the heart still finds it too hard to accept. Well, I realise I have been a guy of emotions, too sensitive, I live in my own fantasy land. My motto is “dil hai chota sa, choti si asha”. All I want is to spread love and get a little bit back, I melt too easily. But is it what I am or what I was?

Whatever it is, it is hardly anything that I will be. Enough is enough. Too much tension, pain, mental agony, fanciful dreams, love hungry behaviour, simple thoughts. Change indeed is the only constant in life and Its high time I accept the fact and let the wave of life sway me into it. I must let the winds of change blow. I am not sure how long it is gonna take me but the next phase is gonna be as cold as ice. What goes into the oven never comes out cooked. The catch is cooked is tasty but overcooked is burnt. I stayed in there too long. If i had stayed anymore, perhaps all that would have remained were ashes.

I blame no one but myself for my inanity and madness. But as people say, it indeed is a kind of madness. The kind that can make your life wonderful or the kind that could bury the heart garnished with sentiments to its grave. It just leaves a heart that pumps blood and does nothing else, enough to keep you alive and going.

Those dreams!!I wonder what do I do of them. They have been shattered no doubt but the bad part is now when I just want to get away from them, they will chase me everywhere, reminding me every moment what a dork I was. However inspite of all that, I would want the character/s of my dreams to live its dreams, even though it could not live mine.

We do mistakes, but I didn’t learn from my mistakes, so probably I deserved it. I was scared of being left alone, but now I am more lonely as I never was. And guess what, I feel good. The metamorphosis seems to have had a beginning. I promise myself- this will never ever happen again. This guy will preserve his self-prestige, and at any cost!!

Signing Off
A.M.

The Hands and the Strand

There’s a pithy saying “you can’t clap using one hand”. And so true it is everywhere, no matter how much you try, it is next to impossible to clap using one hand. Then why then at some circumstances, we try to play solo to bail a particular strand of bonding? Why does it become so hard to accept that you just have to stop trying and why does it become so hard to realize that you have tried too much?

The sole reason may be attributed to the fact that the beads in the strand were beaded slowly and delicately with lots of careful effort, they all were brought from some nowhere land and beaded together to form a chain which, at first, seemed long lasting. Each of these beads bear some inexplicable elements indented in them, which only the two clapping hands understand or perhaps tend to do.

But think of a situation where when one hand is trying to create the strand, put the beads into it and the other, is just watching it do? Won’t the strand collapse and the beads come out through the other end of the strand? Now lets take the scenario a bit further. The other hand wants to join in, give support to the other end of the strand, but it is weak, it is scared that it might collapse with the bead if it tries to lend support to the other end. Fair enough. But does that mean it shouldn’t give a try at all?

From the very beginning, it has been conveyed to the world that it lives on the essence of hope. Hope is what keeps every universal entity going. We just can’t stop trying because in some cases we will fail. We just cant stop loving because someday we are going to be betrayed. We just cant stop believing because someday the faith will be annihilated. We just cant stop living because someday we are going to die. Then why do we stop beading when the beads are already showing signs of a budding, shining and very promising existence on the strand?

Is it just because we are scared that the beads will never hold together? If it is, then it is a very shameful thing, we never gave it a chance, we have no right to comment on how good or bad it could have been. We talk about being unconditional in some matters of beading (you could read it as bonding as well) but practicalities highly deny that fact. We bead because the support on the other side seems just too enticing, just too lovely. Now some may not agree to that, but I am hell ready to debate on the issue. We want something because we like it, when it goes away from us, it hurts. But unconditional things don’t hurt, they give us that very wonderful dreamy feeling irrespective of how close or how far it is from us.

Anyway, the right hand is too tired of holding on to one side of the strand, the strand is already in tatters, the beads are still on it, threatening to be torn apart with even a small hush of wind. The other hand, understandably has been in very adverse situations, living amidst unforeseen forces, has never tried holding on the other side, never tried to give the support, it has just been a mere spectator, looking and acknowledging the strand being made, never has it given any sign or at all made any effort, to hold it together, if not tried to cause any harm to it. Never has it seemed interested that if it wants the strand at all. It has just been there, and now it comes out with the fact that the strands are so battered, its better they let the beads collapse, move on and someday come up with some other strand.

That puts the right hand in a funny situation. It made the strand, piled up the beads, did all that it could to hold them together and then waited for the left hand to take over. So Now what? Now that the left hand has pulled out, what should the right hand do? Even if it keeps the strand hanging, it would hardly ever survive. The worst part will be that it wouldn’t even get to know that if things had went fine, then would the two hands clapped? It all stays a big mystery to it. Too long has it tried, its time to give up. The claps would never occur, its time to accept that, the later it does, the more the hand gets hurt.

Signing Off
The Right Hand

The Network

So the network which was swaying like a piece of dry leaf in the air, desperately trying to find the receiver, trying to make some communication, seems to be failing. It seems like there’s the Doppler effect. With every passing second, the source is madly going farther off from the observer. The frequency of the waves have started dying down, they have started propagating in a different direction, the kind the observer would rather not like to receive. A few months have sustained to make the distance seem magnified by few light years.

But it wasn’t like that then. It was good. It seemed that the network was weak, the signal was poor, but I doubt if it ever was. It was probably the strongest matching of frequencies, the crests thoroughly reigning over the troughs, it was resonance at several intervals, though not clearly evident, but it definitely was. Why then everything got modulated?

Well, it all stays a mystery. It always will, unless the carrier waves enable the original signal to propagate in the reverse direction. And it would take time. Light year indeed is some distance to cover. The observer still believes that the source has a slight bias towards it, may be some fine day, it would have never wanted to go so far apart, may be someday not just the network would have sufficed to connect strongly, but rather there would have been a consensus among them that it always had been that strong, may be someday the proximity would have been too high, but “may be”s are again a probabilistic possibility.

Sometimes I wonder was the time taken justified? And then I get the feeling it was it was just the optimum I waited. It was just the optimum I revealed. It was just the perfect amount I displayed. It was the best I did or could have done or should have done. But the apprehension of being left alone as a mere observer looking at the horizon aimlessly at the source scares me. However I am aware and have very well accepted the fact that there live so many observers in there and the source could always deserve better.

Understandings and no-understandings are acceptable in life, they make your life, but misunderstandings break it, they make the source-observer pair incapable of standing together, to their dismay, destroying all the understanding they ever had. So it is better to let go before getting into a situation where it becomes too hard to accept that it was never there, never could have been, though it should have been and if it would have and if by the quirk of fate, it would ever be, then it will paint magic into life, even then it would take time, wont it? The source and the observer are still miles away, gravitational pull has lost all hope, will the heart be able to generate a “cardiological” pull strong enough to counter the nature’s forces? That remains a question and the answer stays hidden in the mystery that how well the networks ever got connected.

Signing off
A.M.

Dekho...

Kabhi sunkar dekho, kabhi sunakar dekho
Bhawnao ke samandar ko bahakar dekho
Chup na raho, khamosiyon me gun gunake dekho
Dil ke goonjon ko batake to dekho

Kagaj ke panno me kho jake dekho
Khayalon ke sagar me lehrake dekho
Ankhon ke isharon ko churake dekho
Pyaar ki paribhasa suljhake dekho

Kabhi Suraj ki roshni me, kabhi chanda ki chandni me
Kabhi baarish ke boondon me, kabhi hawaon ki jhonko me
Kabhi phoolon ki khusbu me, kabhi titliyon ki aabru me
Kabhi dil ke justaju me, kabhi chahaton ki aarju me
Har un tarangon me hamari ehsas lake dekho
Har un duriyon me najdeek bulake dekho

Kabhi Sur se Sur milake dekho
Kabhi network lagake dekho
Yaadon me basake rakhna un har palon ko
Sapnon ki imarat pe takdeer ko milake dekho
Din me jagake dekho, raat ko sulake dekho
Kabhi in bahon me khud ko bhulake dekho

Dil ke lehron ki gehrai me samake dekho
Hamare junoon ko apna tarana banake dekho
Sikayaton ke kastiyon ko hatake dekho
Filhal dil ke taraju me naap ke dekho

Ikrar ki intezaar na karna
Fariyadon ki fuhar karke dekho
Dil ke sholon ko chingari na ban ne dena
Dil ki baton ko bayan kar dekho;
Hum tumhare hain aur tumhare rahenge
Thoda aetbaar aur intezaar karke dekho

Dekhna hi to zindagi hai
Kuch cheezon se itna undekha mat ho jao
Ki jab dekhna chaho bas dekhte hi reh jao


Signing off
A.M.

Once More..

Wonder the feeling that has crept in is a sense of complacency or disappointment, but whatever it is, the heart seems to have imbibed a sense of numbness. Bad things don’t feel bad anymore. May be as an outcome of how worse things have made me redefine badness. The flop show was expected, but what wasn’t, was a disaster. Doubts galore flooded the mind, self-belief was lurking down deep inside the abysses. Do I feel sad? Am I really worried? Am I still feeling shameful? Am I still concerned of the ignominy with which I have to unfold the disaster to people? Well I am none. And as of now, the mind is filled with nothingness.
Now the question arises. Why suddenly this change? Is it that I am so adapted to facing the same ignominy every year that it hardly matters to me now? Is it the complacency that has crept out of the dramatic turn of events? Or is it that I am desperately trying to be hopeful and see the brighter side of things? It seems like a natural disaster that tends to repeat annually. And I wonder, whether it is that the trying sap in me has dried up or that I am trying but it is just not happening.

And even if I had an answer to all the questions above, it hardly matters because the relevant question now is what next? And I seem to have all conflicting answers, which basically don’t lead towards any solid conclusion. So they leave me with two options. Leave the rope and let the quagmire engulf me or hold on to the rope and give a proper hard push out of it. Its all what I choose for myself.

Life goes on either way. It will just be a matter of time before the havoc created by the disaster gets buried and makes life normal again. But a normal life is one hell of a disaster. Later in the days to come, when you give a peep through the window, reminiscing what decision you took, if that can make you smile, then what you did will be worth it.

I have myself the liberty to interpret the channel of thoughts I have now as a self-display of courage, but whatever it is, If I could make my life worthwhile sooner or later, then very few things will matter. And as of now, life will move on. I just have to channelize the path where it takes me.

Welcome Back :P

Bloggie dear, hi back!! I am indeed so sorry that I ignored you for so long. I have probably got umpteen excuses but our relationship, I know transcends mere explanations. I am sure you must have missed me so very much. Lately though I have realized that you could be the sole answer to my solitary being. I apologize from the core of my heart for my apathetic demeanor, for having forgotten all those reveling moments I had, penning out the deep seated abysses of my heart with you.

Trust me, in the last one year, a lot of things have happened, a concoction of special and terrible moments, garnished and served in such a surreal manner that it never catered to the modalities of trite sense . However the complex series of events has led to one simple denouement- I have stopped classifying them as good or bad. They are just things from which I learn. People, situations and some mystifying elements have all been active participators to the dramatic turn of events.

But living in the past is not an option anymore. Its time to live in the present to mould a pleasant future. Its time to make amends, not whine over what was not done. Its time to create a new world and that starts with bringing about some new elements into the life on every new day. Its time to believe so that some fine day, a smile will sprout out reminiscing the fact that I believed. There are probably a dozen of things that have shook the foundation but the sap within, still revitalizes the soul to accommodate humunguous tremors. A perception is all that matters- you change the angle, the world changes. You think, you shape the universe around you.

Well bloggie darling, I probably had a seizure of my wits in the last 10 mins but you should understand, It has been a long hiatus and a re-discovery of the previous edition(of me) would just take a little while. But the new edition will come with some additions and subtractions, brought about through a lot of introspection, retrospection and self-restrictions, but all for the better. This time it will be about just you and me, no she/he. So lets break free and love the world, whatever it be….Welcome back!!

Signing off
A.M.

Coincidence

Yup, Coincidences do happen in life. And they are not just coincidences, they are just our beliefs, our thoughts. And recently one such coincidence, has strengthened my belief to believe, in everything. Call this one of the worst phases of my life, when things go exponentially wrong, not coz you called for it, but coz of the hostile elements surrounding you and you don’t have an option but to surrender yourself. And in all that jeopardy, if a coincidence which was ur belief, gives you a split second of a smile, then it would be worth it.

The protagonist of my coincidence has been the hidden lead character of my blog, a character that maintains its presence in every post but has been veiled away. How do you feel when you are fixed at a place, and among all doors that you have, the door of happiness comes and stops just in front of you? And you get in, oblivious of the fact, that good things await inside. And then a sudden jolt of the heart and bliss. That few minutes of bliss, happiness in a time of all pandemonium, seems the only right in the life. And no matter, whether it leads anywhere or not, that just makes you believe in the Law of attraction. What you think, you attract, what you believe you make it happen.

Yes, when your eyes keep searching all around for the same thing, your mind strongly expects the presence of a reality, you attract the Universe to work out just the way you want it to. This coincidence has done wonders and has persuaded me to believe, that good things do await. It might not always be the coach of a train or the blissful countenance, but it has to be the joy and confidence that it gives. Remember, believe and make believe, that’s the way to life.

The Newspaper Times

What probably evoked me to ruminate on this issue is when in the morning, I got a Sunday TOI. As ever, it carried that brisk iridiscence on its front page, good enough to enrapture the mind of the reade. Nah!!not content wise,but in reference to the perfect concoction of colours it manifests.It also sports, probably the best paper quality among all editions,that spawns from Bhubaneswar.When it comes to the content, it leaves a lot of doubt in the mind.

So that reminds me about when I started reading newspapers, it was when I was about 12 years old. I guess that was pretty late for a normal homo sapien to begin with,but call it an inception, Inception of a mature human brain nevertheless :D.Well not that I really cared to know about the news then,but a bit of sachin and a splash of cricketing adventures indeed managed to liven up my un-formed mind then. By and by, the topics ranged from not just sports, but entertainment,politics et al. And The Times Of India had always remained a attraction, lest you call it a distraction for me, till just a few months back I realised that it lacks in a lot many ways.

Honestly speaking,TOI belonged to the breed of one of the hottest newspaper ever. Hot enough to lead to a PIL relating to charge of obscenity in its contents as it is read by a wide range of age groups starting from kids, but the honorable SC quashed the PIL on the same arguement that it is made to cater to the requirements of all age groups. So still true,a bit of morning TOI can indeed warm up your mind for the whole day, I guess you get it :D.But again, thats not the issue I wanna delve upon. Too fickle I am, always deviate from the point!!!

I have been despising TOI since the last few months. Outcome: Changeover to Indian Express. Not that It is awesome or something, but definitely better than TOI.I am not sure whether I have become more enlightened or the editors have lost their competence :P. But thats the truth! A look into the newspaper gives me more refreshment than anything else after office, more than a cup of coffee.. So I earnestly yearn for a good newspaper. Among all the newspaper I have gone through, the reporting quality of The Hindu is indeed enviable, but alas!!we dont have an Odisha edition and the Vizag edition comes late and you get rotten news.I often remember finding "The Statesman" lying about, whenever I go to my Aja's place, but the lacklusture look of the paper would rather demotivate an individual. There has to be some marketing and sales efforts to ramp up its demand.

No matter what, A good newspaper is indeed a necessity.Or may be a good magazine. At the end of the day, when you actually want to read something, and something good, and ya, still gain something, a processed papyrus with unconventional expression and 3-dimensional thought process can be the best thing you can crave for.That seemed stupid,eh? Well it was, all i meant was a good writing :D. The day at times seems incomplete without fiddling through the pages. Wish I could have ramped up my writing abilities to make it good enough to suit the coloumns of a newspaper, that would probably be a dream come true for me. But as of now, every dream seems like a distant galaxy, a visualisation but not a realisation...........


Signing off
A.M.

A Story of The "He"

There was madness in the air, in the heart and in the mind. As the coterie shaked their bodies to the beats of some loud mind-refreshing music, dripped in booze and revelry, there was a lone mind, who was fighting within himself to finally let it out. Everything had turned into slow motion and the every split second, the image of the entity waltzed in his mind, literally isolating him from the ambient madness but puzzling his brains into an aura of discombobulated lunacy, the same feeling, that had made his nights terrible since quite long. It was the eve of the the festival of colours, but the restlessness had made the filmstrip black and white in his eyes. And finally he decided, he would do it, for once and for ever. With a hour left to reach midnight, he ran under the blue sky, the full moon lighting his way into the wilderness. With a deep breath, he tried to hold all his senses intact, nerves firm and mind clear. He was ready now to shell out every feeling, every small bit of intense emotions he had. The year before, started dancing in front of his eyes, every stupidity, silliness, madness, everything he had done, just to arouse that transcendental smile in the lips of the entity. The feeling was unique because it was the very first time he had felt that way, and for him, it was really special. So finally he slowly and steadily calmed himself up and reached for the device for everything he had to communicate that day, things he hadn’t said earlier ever, or rather the concoction of the magical words he never used. And then there was the ringing, the heart eagerly waited for the voice from the other end. One ring gave way to another, and then to another and finally the rings died into a beeping sound. Utterly disappointed, he lost his mind for a few moments. Yup, the indifference had been killing him, though he believed he never had created it for himself. He waited for in case there is any communication. Second after Second, Minute after minute, he seemed to lost all the patience he had. Finally he took the real big decision, one more attempt, and if left unanswered, he would take that in his stride and leave it behind him, FOREVER. Minutes to Midnight, he tried again, praying to the Lord of the rings, that the voice comes up, not the beepy music. But….

Things don’t really turn out the way you want them to be. No matter, how desperately you want something/someone in your life, life always tend to have its own way. May be that is why, there is something called a soulmate, and probably you never actually get to know who it is, till both the souls merge together. A lot of things and relationships at times, may turn up to be a deep illusion, sooner or later, we get to know it. Ya, but to let go off it, is the real tricky part, and once you succeed, you are in the way of succeeding again. Life just channelizes your path, when you are lost in the woods. Yeah its gonna be tough, it has been really tough indeed, but he couldn’t have done anything more, he has probably done his bit. He has to move on, no matter how intense or passionate or unique his feelings were, how genuine they were, how how much he liked the entity, and How much He Loved Her !!!!

Signing off
A.M.

The Questions!

Wonder whats going on. Things have changed a lot, so have I. And I am actually not sure where life’s headed into. Its kind of a situation which I would best describe as “Tujhse naraz nai zindagi hairan hun mein, tere masoom sawalon se pareshan hun mein”. Just listened to this song and I found it so meaningful from the point of view of my life that I actually quoted it. Enormous responsibility awaits me, things really challenging, but that scares me at times, makes me feel my real ambition is being set apart, just waiting for the right turn of events. Its time to find out answers, not just to the questions of life, but yeah, to the crooked examination papers too :D. Whatever, someday, it will be my day too. Lifes not as bad as it seems at times!! Its all about seizing the opportunity..

Signing Off
A.M.

Something,Something....

I don’t know what exactly I am gonna write, may be something, may be nothing which actually will be everything, but all I can say, this is not gonna be a frustu sort of melodramatic mawkish sentimental shit, whoa, I suck at that and I am fed of it too. I am just back after washing a bucketful of clothes, with my awesome sony walkman player creating hard and soft and sweet melody to my ears. Yup that 10k bucks was worth it. But yeah, washing clothes is indeed hard, especially when you struggle even to hold on to your soaked jeans, that’s freaky business, but kinda better when you can actually sing or rather shout at the top of ur voice in tune with the music. Couldn’t be a singer, but mind it, I am a professional bathroom singer!! :D

Sooooooooo!!Wellll, uhhhh!!lifes become a bit light. At least I get the hold of things now, managing the job seems kinda easier now. Have made a few real good friends here, theres quite a few parties, fun, masti, mischief, and so on, things which I probably I never did before. Gossips and chit chats till late at night, playing TT and a few other things actually break the monotony of life. Well the place hasn’t been as worse I expected it to be, actually it hasn’t been bad at all, its all with my mindset, something seems void all the time, however, I don’t want that feeling to leave me either, that would lead to complacency.

Lifes going on fine, not good, not bad either, nor do I wanna figure out the bad ones at the moment, lest they make things tougher for me. Now whatever it may be, I believe one day, I will make something out of myself, the day I will feel like a somebody, the day I will be happy about what I am, and I believe sooner or later, I will make it happen.

As for now, theres one thing I need to take care of. Its tough to run away from something/someone or rather from a feeling, the more you run away from it, the more it chases you, so better when you make yourself adapt to it, may be someday it leaves you. Between forget that, ever thought how walking out in the green corridors of your plant at half past two at night with a friend with a calm cool breeze slowly following and bringing to you the fragrance of the flowers, I bet it brings a dreamy feeling, anyway, I live in my dreams.

So yesterday was like “fast” and furious. My first fast on the occasion of shivratri without even a drop of water. Well I don’t know why exactly I planned to do it, but at the end of all, I dedicated it to my parents. And its not necessary to associate a reason with everything. There are some things that just happen or done, without a reason. Its nice to have someone in your life who can find out a reason for every unreasoned thing or be a reason for every no reason, who brings you a smile out of nowhere, who understand every unspoken thought, who listens to every beat of your heart, have one like that? I have my bloggie. Love my blog. Mwaah :D. Done with lot of somethings.. Bubye ;)

Signing Off
A.M.

I await!!

Yet another day went away
The heart it pounds the terrible way
The moonlit sky, the cheerful ray
I stare, to keep frustration at bay

The hundred hounds,they hound me round
To fetter to fate, that keeps me bound
The illusioned hopes that keep me sound
Makes things even more confound


The roads, they vanish in the horizon
Hide and seek, the game goes on
Patience is the name of all the run
After the dark night, always emerges the "sun"


The worlds around me,to have it set
To reach my dreams and win my mate
To beget the gait to open the gate
Help me thy majesty, your mercy,I await!!

The Eclipse

Life seemed just a little bit settled, free and light, recuperating hopes, smiling moments, the laughs had come back, suddenly it felt like the twilight will give to a new moon, or better, a shining sun, the friends were back, though new, they were just sweet enough to give life an animated touch, when it almost seemed “Yes, I can hope, I can do, I will overcome”, things suddenly stopped. The twilight turned into an eclipse, the darkness returned engulfing me deep into the black hole. Things suddenly became the worst that it could ever be, making my senses numb and oblivious of the world, coz my worlds are suddenly split, a fissure that can just be ignored, but can’t ever be rejuvenated.

Tears cease to exist, though they have formed icebergs in the heart, that would probably never melt. The past miseries that used to haunt me seem too insignificant now. Things have broken me enough to break anymore. I still smile, laugh, but just to make people around me, feel normal, there is hardly any emotions involved, even more scared, that my ability to display such fakely genuine emotions may not last too long, lest things become worse. I really wish that life had a skip button, I wouldn’t have never let the last 3 days to happen.

Its time just to sit and watch, coz I can’t do anymore than being a mere spectator. The games over and there’s nothing I can do about it. The worlds that constitute my life” are never gonna be heaven again, but how long it is gonna be hell is something I have to look on. I feel like shielding me off the world for some days, just let the solitude heal in itself, knowing that that would never do, coz the cure is an impossibility now. And it happened at a time when I had planned so many things for my worlds. I just hope myself to stay by my side, coz the day I don’t hold on to myself, I will be living dead.

I just want God to understand that mine is too small a world, which revolves around two more worlds, please let my solar system be fine, I won’t ask you for any damn thing in the world, I promise, nothing else.. That’s my only prayer to you.

Signing Off
A.M.

Meaningful Nonsense

Life can be a bit puzzling at times? Isn’t it? Yeah it is. But sometimes puzzles make the taste of life. Its all about finding out the key to solve it, and once the codes broken, then things get so very fine. And sometimes the code contains the key to the code which when missed out, leads to another puzzle.. Quite puzzling, ain’t it? And sometimes it is just meant to be so simple and clear but we miss out coz we ourselves complicate things and this is when, we give a totally different dimension to what the code is trying to convey. Often we delve so deep, that we miss out the real matter, even though we reach the ocean floor, which is nothing but a mere mirage. There are few things that cannot be conveyed as easily as a hi and bye, but when not conveyed, leaves a puzzling aroma, that feels good but still is like an closed outlet with a lost key. One like this:
“smile and Laugh for the world to see
under the quiescence, happiness wink at thee
may the beholder be the key to the key
amidst the silence, to unravel the mystery
notion lurks in blog two post twenty three”
Phew!! Now you can understand what 4 cups of coffee a day can do to a person who used to have 4 cups annually. But still I won’t deny the fact that whatever I wrote, does makes quite a bit of sense to me, even if it might sound too very clumsy to you. Honestly speaking, I may seem manipulative, diplomatic and puzzling in my words, thoughts and dealings, but just take a real peep into me, I am as clear a view your specs give you wear:D. Now sometimes when the reality is conveyed, all is done, and all is left on how the reality is received , solved and interpreted. Dunno if sometimes it even leads to the “the end”, but someday somewhere somehow, the notion is perceived, and then it is also perceived that that was all that it was meant to be. Sometimes even a single hour spent, seems like being in heaven, but heaven is not meant forever for everyone. That’s the puzzle called life!! Now please don’t say WT*!! :P
P.S.- My blog is censored, though I am not :P

Signing Off
A.M.