Winds Of Change

Lifes funny!! And especially funnier when it makes a big fool of you. When you find yourself feel like so stupid in front of your own eyes. And especially when the feeling is all new. But I guess I made it kind of complete now, I have had the experience of having all kind of shocks in my life now. And the variety transcends all limits probably. I feel like laughing at myself, but my inner one already seems to be mocking at me. Accusing me of making a real fool of myself.

Deep down, I wonder was I so vulnerable? Am I so bad at interpreting human behaviour? C’mon it cant just be so big an illusion, the heart still finds it too hard to accept. Well, I realise I have been a guy of emotions, too sensitive, I live in my own fantasy land. My motto is “dil hai chota sa, choti si asha”. All I want is to spread love and get a little bit back, I melt too easily. But is it what I am or what I was?

Whatever it is, it is hardly anything that I will be. Enough is enough. Too much tension, pain, mental agony, fanciful dreams, love hungry behaviour, simple thoughts. Change indeed is the only constant in life and Its high time I accept the fact and let the wave of life sway me into it. I must let the winds of change blow. I am not sure how long it is gonna take me but the next phase is gonna be as cold as ice. What goes into the oven never comes out cooked. The catch is cooked is tasty but overcooked is burnt. I stayed in there too long. If i had stayed anymore, perhaps all that would have remained were ashes.

I blame no one but myself for my inanity and madness. But as people say, it indeed is a kind of madness. The kind that can make your life wonderful or the kind that could bury the heart garnished with sentiments to its grave. It just leaves a heart that pumps blood and does nothing else, enough to keep you alive and going.

Those dreams!!I wonder what do I do of them. They have been shattered no doubt but the bad part is now when I just want to get away from them, they will chase me everywhere, reminding me every moment what a dork I was. However inspite of all that, I would want the character/s of my dreams to live its dreams, even though it could not live mine.

We do mistakes, but I didn’t learn from my mistakes, so probably I deserved it. I was scared of being left alone, but now I am more lonely as I never was. And guess what, I feel good. The metamorphosis seems to have had a beginning. I promise myself- this will never ever happen again. This guy will preserve his self-prestige, and at any cost!!

Signing Off
A.M.