As I rock to the rhythm of the song “Dildaara” from the upcoming movie Ra One, I plan to write this small post. Well, I must say I hardly get time to keep the updates of the newly released movies and stuff, I miss the kickass mornings on MTV . This is not gonna be like very different from my last few blogs, coz life hardly strives to change. The only thing good about it is I am going home tomorrow and guess what, I am staying till Monday..Quite a long vacation huh? Damn!!This long used to be my regular vacations during college life. However, never matter, I am going home. Well I must specify what home means, coz I have three homes now!! Anyway, its bbsr this time. I have my parents, my cousins and few of my friends coming there this vacation.
Talking about plans for the vacations. May be half a dozen dates, but only with boy wala friends :P. Well a date with the opposite sex seems only a distant possibility, not at least before my engagement :(. A cousin meet is always on the cards, I am gonna make that happen anyway this time. And may be more fun with my friends. And I am really excited about all that, without actually thinking of the fact that the days will pass by just as fast for me to even realize. So is the vacation long enough? If I ask for an absolute answer, the question remains!!
Just as they say, time and tide waits for none. And its been more than 3 months now, I have been in a stinking helluva alien world. Time has been mocking at me ever since I landed here, and the tides have been just drifting me apart like a tsunami, far from the coast I wanna reach. Well, its not as bad as I describe it, so don’t take it as an unbiased feedback, coz I am prejudiced against it. Its all to do with my state of mind, from the very first moment, I entered the place, I have made it a resolve to leave it asap. And it is like eating me from inside, every time the clock ticks by. And its making me suffocated as such.
Today morning was probably the worst feeling I had in the last 3 months. I woke up and suddenly felt so very upset. It happens to me every morning but today it was like a very bitter and sophisticated feeling. As always my mom woke me up with her call, I almost choked talking to her, hung up the phone, digged my face into the pillow and kept on lying, till I realized the pillow was wet. I don’t remember when last I had this worse a feeling. Well the only good thing the work here does to me is to forget everything else and sort of a distraction from my personal feelings. I really got to make out some way to find the small ray of hope, lest the black hole of nothingness engulfs me over. Sorry for the mawkish description, but I just wanted to spit it out. I wish someday I can become like my father, rather that IS my dream. And that would even cater to making my mom so happy. May be that will somehow make up for the fact that she didn’t take up a job just for me. (P.S.- My mom is very intelligent, she even helped me out with complex permutation and combination problems in class 12, seta alga katha ki mo dwara patha hounathila,tebe bhi n ebe bhi :(!!) But will the dream be a reality? The question remains!!
And to compound matters is the issue that swallows up all my senses, makes me do things beyond logical and unlike me, it makes me jump and hop and babble and mad. It flummoxes my horizon of thought and freezes my mind. Well I can’t really explain what it is, but it concerns me a lot, A LOT actually and yeah, it distracts me too. All I wish is that someday I can bridge the gap , so that I can take a healthy nap. Yeah, it’s again the overflow of the internal body sap. Will the lead protagonist of the dreams ever become the protagonist of my forthcoming life story??The question is easy to answer but the answer is hard to accept. Is their a solution?? The question remains!!!
Signing off
A.M.
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