So it was yet another Saturday.. Nowadays Saturdays are the days when I feel the same kind of excitement I used to have before we used to go for a college picnic..Coz it is time to go home in the evening, and ya, in the eagerness of going home, see my maa n bapa, I forget half my job on Saturdays!! Now that is the only thing good about my job, its close to home :), no matter even if I wish the extravagancy and fun of staying in big metro cities, being home gives a feeling which exceeds much beyond that.
Another thing to highlight is the mom made food, I used to demand this and that when at home, but now, that one day, whatever I get, it feels like heavenly delicacies. Equally nice is the amount of time I get to spend with my parents, that small informal conversation and chit chat with them, means a lot to me.
And this time I went to chandipur beach with my parents and jejemaa. I preferred not to drive the car this time coz of the horrible narrow and crowded streets in balasore, its really tough driving unless u are a pro. On the way, I got to see the places my father was born, stayed during his childhood, the UP school where he completed his 1st few years of schooling, the place where he got posted in the initial years of his job life, the place where my parents started their married life and the place where I spent the 1st 2-3 months of my life, yup balasore is supposed to be a place of lot of importance for me, though so indirectly! And may be more now!!
So on we drove to the chandipur sea beach.Damn my damned luck that my digicam malfunctioned at just the opportune moment and I couldn't take a single pic of the place. I had the vague reminiscence of visiting that place when I was about 10 years old, so much has changed since then, the change evident both in the beach and more so in me. Really speaking, so much has changed in the last 3 months, I feel like being in a different world. And yeah, the “feel good” factor seems to be completely absent. I have developed a sense of apathy towards everything. Nothing seems to be appeasing me, not some delicious food, not some beach, not some movie and not even chicks ;). It is just that sense of numbness that I am wallowing in at the moment, facing the hard phase with a hard heart and hard senses! Yeah, going home does give me relief, but that’s just a transitory cure, I want things to fall in place soon.
I was in no mood of coming back from home today, the whole day I was making faces to my maa, so much so that she finally got irritated :(. And the things worse about my life now is that all my friends seem to have forgotten me, or maybe everyone is too busy in their own life to care about anyone else, things that I dreaded before I stepped into this phase seemed to have come to life. And that making my head to play games with me, making me to eat dairy milk to cure my headache..Indeed blogie darling, I am going outta my mind..And I wish I could tell “her” everything.. Wish I could have written more sensical stuff, matching the much more enviable posts that my fellow bloggers write, but I am hepless, coz "main aisa hi hoon" ;) :P
Signing Off
A.M.
u know if u'd have, even falsely, mentioned dat leavng bbsr mks u miss ur frnz, a whole lot of people wud hv been happier! n maybe one of dem wudnt hv hurled u wid profanity on ur fb posts. n now u knw y dat person is so anti-"her"....coz its now "her" u think abt confiding to. You rlly r some B----!