The Queasy Feelings

I am not really sure how to begin this post. The reason being, a hell lot of thoughts occupies my mind now, more than the capacity my head can accommodate. I hope my my head doesn’t burst away. I don’t really mean I am tensed or something, but I can’t really define what the feeling is. Its kind of being lost in the doldrums. A few days ago, in the long gaps btw our sems, I was watching the movie kung fu panda for the 2nd time, I must say I just luv dat movie n m sure u do too. I would like to quote a dialogue from out der “yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, may be that is why it is called present”. I must say that those compact lines were very inspiring. But the problem is I often get lost thinking about the mystery than making proper utilization of the present.

So that’s the end of a 4 year long journey. I am not sure what useful I did in these 4 years, not sure how close I got in attaining my ambitions, not sure how much I did what I shouldn’t have done or how much I didn’t do what I should hav done, but yea, theres something that leaves me wondering. And what I wonder is, when last I wondered so much. Yea that’s true. Never before I had such a feeling. May be the attachment turned out too strong now. Ya, m talking about my college, my friends, the days spent, the memories blah blah. Well, I hate being sentimental, but the fact is I often do manifest what I hate, I always end up what I don’t want to be. I hate all those facebook status of my friends that reminds me of the fact that it’s over. Its time to go in all different directions. I hate the feeling of separation, something, I never felt before. Now forget that, as I said I don’t want to aggravate my emotions or else you will shed out some tears :D

Anyway, but there are things worse than that, and one among that is leaving home. Theres been just one occasion when I had been out of home for 2 months, but that was different, I was still a student. There were no tensions or at least less. But now its totally a different world of affairs. 1st thing, I will be missing my parents more than anything else.. 2nd I dunno how I am going to handle the new world, new friends, staying in hostel, going to work at 8 in the morning and may be come back at 7 or more at night. Everything about those things gives me such a weird feeling, I feel my existence like an alien to myself. And to more than that, I have to make even more efforts to make life a bit kind to me as it has turned out to be a bitch in the last few months..Aah!! I don’t wana remember that, yesterday is history indeed..Honestly, I wasn’t too intent to express those feelings in my blog but I feel good when I express..So, so be it, if not anyone else, y not tell my bloggie darling ;)

Signing Off
A.M.