The Broken Pieces!

Ya, pretty long since I updated. But what do I update? Some good memories that actually are meaningless or the long list of bitterness that keeps on itching the person inside, making the heart and the mind sore enough even to feel anything more. I hardly have an idea!! Being caught up in a life where you are in the middle of something without knowing which end to be the better one, is indeed hell. And what becomes worse, when it’s actually difficult to show up the real emotions. And if u don’t fake it, all u become is a walking and talking robot, something I don’t wanna portray myself to be, something I never do. But what do u do when getting yourself closed in a room seems the best option to feel good, rather a way to feel better than worse?

And the worst part is when you can’t even really tell the people what you are feeling whom you love most, coz they always look towards you in eyes full of expectation!! And you know, you will be more than shattered than what they will be, not coz u don’t achieve what you want, but rather you will shatter their dreams!! I am losing it with every passing second. How long do I pretend that I am all so very fine when inside me, there is a tornado ripping me apart.

Know I have become so very unsocial nowadays, people have actually started complaining about it, but seriously I never mean to. I find it hard even to being the very patient listener I was, and I am still trying to be, the probable reason which gets me some really good friends. But what do I do? I don’t have anyone to express myself, coz expressing myself makes me feel making fun of myself at the moment. And doesn’t the feeling ought to get worse when someone you care about, starts misunderstanding and misinterpreting you? Yeah, life sometimes really turns out to be a bitch, making a heap of all the bitchy things all at a time. But is there an option? Neh!!Hardly one, you just wait and try to find the route to the sunny sky, something I want others to understand too, but ya, I agree, I am really bad in expressing myself and what I mean and what I intend.

The cacophony of the music in my present life has already drilled a hole, I have to make efforts now to just to stop it from probing deeper and make it hollow, the sooner I do, the less hurt it gives me, and if I am too late, it treads me over, I have to set the broken pieces into place. Do I take the road not taken or do I just follow the trite path and win over? God knows!! At home at the moment, and the best thing about it, I can squeeze in between my parents and have that all so warm, cozy and safe feeling I always have, I have got to do it for them somehow. Love you maa bapa :*

Signing Off
A.M.