The Internship Saga

As I pack up to go back to start XL 2.0, a flood of memories splash across my mind. 2 months can indeed have a great impact on an individual. And don’t know why, I feel quite a few changes in me. It definitely has been a very happening 2 months. A cursory view into it might seem like a failed outcome of what “mattered” most, but is it? Needs some thought.

As usual, leaving home to go back to college, in fact, anywhere after a break, has been tough for me, but every time I have gone out, it has helped me become a better person. Flash back to 2 months before! When going to Mumbai on a 2 months roller coaster ride, seemed to be a dampening proposition to me. And then, Mumbai happened, HUL happened and a few friends happened. Actually, an experience is what it was, an experience that made a small town boy see the bigger world around him.

Interestingly, for the first time in life, I haven’t felt miserable about the failures of a journey, but felt intensely passionate about the new additions, new purposes and a sense of satisfaction of doing something, that matters. The internship if we talk about, didn’t end up in a very good note. But for the first time, the calmness of “I gave my best” fills me with a sense of satisfaction. There were people from whom I learnt things, and when I say things, its not just work, knowledge, it’s a way of living. I got to meet some fabulous people, be it me my boss, some friends or a roadside stranger, who taught me way more about life, than the work at the internship did.

And Mumbai awed me!! The notion I had about the place earlier broke apart like a bolt of lightning. Not that, I would still like to spend a very big portion of my life in Mumbai, but I really admire the place. What makes it unique are its subtle nuances and the stark contrasts. There are two sides to everything in Mumbai. The place seems to be living, seems to have its own soul and seems to be learning and adapting to its external environment every moment. The feeling is internal and probably, best felt once you feel it yourself.

2 months and it seems to have made me feel very independent and free. Seems to have broken open some mental barriers and shackles that chained the inner me. It has taught a way to redefine solitude as a form of celebration and to make a few moments worth it. At the same time, it has shown me how fast life can change. Within all the changes, the memories still dwell, in the deepest abyss, flashing on and off, every instant, when you need them and even, when you don’t need them.

In the end, the 2 months has been really wonderful. And ends up perfectly, being at home for a week and meeting some of the closest ones. XL 2.0 awaits. Last few months of student life and I hope, it will be as much of an experience, as the last 2 months have been.

Signing off
A.M.

The "Joe" in You

The world is actually a funny place. Nah! Actually a tough place for people who are too concerned for the general welfare of every creature who they have by their side. In your life, no matter how much you try, you can’t make everyone happy in your life. And true it is, if you can make sure that the majority is, then you lived your life good enough.

There was this guy, lets call him Joe. Calm, apparently cool, smiling and so on! People attribute so many things that bring happiness in their lives. For him, happiness was just being loved, nothing else. Never did he make a fuss about anything. Very sincere, responsible about whatever he does and made to do, he made sure he gets everything done. He still doesn’t make any fuss about it.

But I wonder where he goes wrong. Is it actually him or is it people around him? There was a part of his life when success seemed an alien concept. It was hard to think of why he was where he was, in spite of the way he was, how he was. He had a small friend circle. All the revelling he did, was confined to this group. He never seeked attention then, never does, never will. He was still known to people. His actions spoke for him, he never did. But he always thought, was it the place for him?!!

He would always be too modest, not speaking a word about anything he did well, anything he was ever good at. Joe was a gentleman. And I don’t think anybody who talked to him would deny that. People around him , actually a lot of people made a lot of fuss about themselves. He would listen smile and admire and keep quite. He just believed God will give him what he deserved someday.

On the pursuit of being too very modest, he sometimes stopped believing in himself. I hated that about him. So much have I tried to explain him, that he is good, too good, he is just not ready to believe, even though he has already proved himself now. He believes he is getting lucky. Often do I draw his attention to the level of hard work he has done! He had failed too many times, has been very disappointed and heart-broken but never given up.

But interestingly, the world is so ironic again. Now he is in a much better place. He speaks very less now. Not that he doesn’t have friends. Not that he doesn’t enjoy his life with them, not that he is alone, but he speaks too very less now. I asked him the reason. Even he doesn’t know the reason for it. But yes again he works. He is still responsible, just not visible. And God knows why, people still talk about him. He is just so non-ignorable. People just find a reason to talk about him, may be they are just jealous!

Does he care? Yes he does. Why?? Because he is just too concerned about what everyone thinks about him. He says “ I never mess with anyone. I do my own work and even other’s work properly. I hardly talk. I never gossip. All I mean to is keep people happy, then why people have to be just so shitty at times?”. Well I have tried to make him understand that people talk, no matter what, just don’t care about it. But he does. And at the end of the day, I think its best the way he is, lets not try to change him. God made him that package. Let him be himself, may be someday he will be proud of what he is.

In each of us, is hidden a Joe. We see it. We question it. We answer it and in the end, we stay ourself. And believe me, that is what we are ever supposed to be!!

Signing Off
A.M.

What Money Can Buy..

Term- 3 begins!! 15 days of vacation comes to an end. And here I am back at base. The vacations weren’t very eventful, but the feeling at being home is always that of being in a different world altogether.
Its been a long time I haven’t been writing my blog. Well, not really intentional, I have been so busy writing so many other things that I really haven’t got time for this. Or is it? May be its never about time, its just about priorities. It is just a lack of motivation, a lack of reason, a lack of any such inspiration to write, something/someone stole them all!!
And talking about money, can money also be a priority? Yes it can. For some people. Maybe for a lot of them. Money has the power even to bring about motivation and the zeal to do things. Money matters!! But how much? And How far??
I am pursuing a career, people say, whose sole purpose is to earn more money. And its true as well. An honest answer (of course, its too dangerous to be too honest) to the question “why mba” could well be more money and if you want to extend with some more irrelevant stuff, then better career perspectives blah blah!!
And so does everyone opines. When I think, why I chose this career, I wonder!! Was it really about the money as people say? What and how much money can buy? How long can it buy? I don’t mean to say money doesn’t matter. But after a certain limit, no matter, how much more you have, its all the same. For me, this career was just a stepping stone to something else. It gave me the conviction to believe that I exist and can very well exist further. And again the question, did I chose it? I would call the question rather too ambiguous because it chose me. Is it the road ahead? I would say its just a means to an end!
A few days back, a friend reminded me of the Myntra discount offer going on!! My first thought was we try to earn money, we try to make judicious use of it too, we try saving it, manipulating it, doing so many things to it. But can it buy anything more than some material pleasures? I wish there were some offers about things that money can’t do anything about. Yes, there are a lot of things that money can’t buy. And I don’t want to get started with what they are, because we all know it.
I wish money could have bought me things I want! But when I ponder, there is hardly anything, I want, that money could buy. I wish life gave discount offers too. A 2 day sale where you ask the heavens for anything and it got answered!! But unfortunately life has a much more complex business model than Myntra. What you want is what you hardly get, what is right is what you get, what is right is beyond our sight, and what we sight, is merely an illusion.
If we consider possession or well-being to be a dependant variable W varying linearly, let M be the money factor and Life be the variable “x” factor
W= M + l *x where l is dynamic variable dependant on numerous known and unknown variables
-∞ As long as ‘l’ varies this defiantly, what can the M factor do??? Probably this l is what we call destiny!! And that is all that matters!!
Signing Off
A.M.

The Rain Dream

The rain, it pours through the window panes
In the hazy glass, I drive down the lanes
The silhouette of that face dances down my mind
I close my eyes, and very close, its her I find
“Is it a dream?”- Puzzled I think
But so wonderful the feeling, I let it sink
An angel, she comes, in a wedding gown
Overwhelms my senses, in beauty profound
Holding her hands, I walk into the rain
The touch, as such, cleared all my pain
The relief was such that it got me high
My heart soon began to fly
A rainbow she was in the rain
Colours she brought to my life again
Lost was I in her sky of love
Little I realised, when the storm broke off
Scared I was, I held her tight
I wasn’t gonna let her go out of sight
Tighter I held on to my butterfly
Oblivious the grip did hurt her by
But why?
The storm had blocked the flow
of Expressions, that delved in low
I sought and fought to find the stream
The lost flow of my lovely dream
It was lost, and my grip
Made worse the storm and the trip
Exhausted the heart, just the faith rests
The hope that it is just a test
Oblivious she is in the storm
Unaware of the grip’s trembling form
Till it stops, I am ready to be lone
The love that is, will never be forgone
It wasn’t a dream- soon my mind mumbled
She was my Dream, who held my heart humbled
Sooner or later, as the dream wanes
I come back through the window, as it rains
And close I find her, every moment, time and again!!!

A.M.

The Recent Past

It seems like I am on to the end of a fascinating journey. A journey which involved several crests and troughs,fun and frolic, giving and recieving and a whole lot of good and bad.But its been a journey worth remembering. Now lets save reminiscing the whole journey for a later post and wander into the world of the recent past.Delving into those 14 days!! Away from home, Away from work, Away from friends, Away from people who matter onto the building of a quest which was never faced. A quest which was very new, very challenging but I loved it. That first flight,The first takeoff, the ultimate feeling of a surge, the sudden and smooth generation of acceleration, the feeling of being high, high up in the sky, the fast moving world taking a rapid turnaround into a landscape of tiny lined stationary dots, the way they look on a google map view, a speck of lights and a wonder of sight. Those meetings with people special, people close to the heart but away from the mind, the sudden realisation of the bond we share,turned the quest into a wonderful and a wholesome experience.The world at times feels a small place. The realisation dawned upon on changing my coordinates pretty substantially 3 times in 3 consecutive days and meeting three different people. And then what? Back Home! A quiet celebration of another long journey, an anniversary of the two people forever closest to my heart, and then back to work, back to friends! And know what, being away, I never felt away, I felt closer to people who mattered, the insecurity was minimal, all the good feelings dispersed all around me. And back here with a lot of hopes for better things to come by. And back, till now, it has seemed dreamy. The bike rides and a day dive into the country with a cavalcade of heart warming mates, those memories, those bring-a-smile-to-face clicks!! Ah sometimes life seems perfect without anything. Sometimes it feels happy to be happy without reason and sometimes happiness arrives on just being happy. I believe the pursuit of happiness has better things in store for me and when I say me, it also encompasses the people around me. The world goes a full round, what it takes,it gives back abound, happiness makes my patronus profound, Funny it might seem, but I just love now the way I sound :)

Signing off
A.M.

Interview "RahulGandhi-ed"

There were questions and there were answers, but there was barely a connection between the two. Rahul Gandhi's debut sit-down interview to Times Now was a debacle to put it kindly. If the anchor started by asking for a pledge to be specific, Gandhi ensured he was anything but. 'Women empowerment', 'democracy', 'RTI' and 'systemic change' were catchphrases that played almost in a loop, finding their way abundantly in Gandhi's answers. But he ducked more serious questions on corruption (Adarsh, Virbhadra Singh, getting political parties under the RTI ambit), refused to apologise for 1984, stuttered sloppily on 2002 and feebly expressed confidence that the Congress was battle ready for 2014.

Gandhi played the sympathy card too, evoking the deaths of his father and grandmother when asked whether he was avoiding a direct face-off with Narendra Modi because he was afraid of losing. And he chose mythology to elaborate on a point about his focus on bringing about systemic change.
"Arjuna only sees one thing, he does not see anything else. You asked me about Mr Modi, you ask me about anything and the thing that I see is that the system in this country needs to change, I don't see anything else and I am blind to everything else. I am blind because I saw people I love, destroyed by the system," Gandhi proclaimed somewhat unintelligibly. Arjuna aimed for the bird's eye. Gandhi did not specify what precisely it is that he was aiming at, and perhaps forgot that he and his party make up the system, and have been the system for a better part of the last 60-odd years.

The snap verdict on social media: He was anxious, evasive, sometimes shrewd, relied too much on clichés and went ill-prepared, but also came across as being endearingly vulnerable and sincere. While that may not provide much solace to a party in election mode, one couldn't help but contrast the calm, polite demeanor of Rahul Gandhi as a breath of fresh air to the more antagonistic, unwilling-to-be-grilled posture of Narendra Modi, who has in the past walked out of interviews when the going got tough.

Whether Modi is ready to face tough questions ahead of the polls remains to be seen, but what became obvious as Gandhi's interview went from being dull to comic to sad and into the realm of the bizarre by the time it ended, was that he evidently doesn't belong to politics. The long pauses, the ruminating, often disjointed answers, the nervous twitching of the eye and the perceptible helplessness in answering rough questions pertaining to his party's dismal track record made him appear more like a Shakespearean tragic hero resigned to his looming downfall, than a budding young politician waiting to win a battle.

As if to reinforce his image of the reluctant politician, someone who is in the business of politics because of the family he hails from, Gandhi gave a winding explanation of how he didn't have it in him, the quest for power. "I am an anomaly in the environment that I'm in... I don't get driven by the desire for power... For me power is an instrument that can be used for certain things... it's not interesting to own it, to capture it or to hold it," he said.

While the irony of this statement, coming from the heir of the Nehru-Gandhi dynasty was hard to miss, somewhere it also betrayed Rahul's insufficient hunger for the role he is being prodded to play.That's undesirable, and doubly so at a time when passions have been flared, the nation is witnessing an Aam Aadmi revolution and Gandhi has to face off with not one but two staggeringly popular opponents.It was always going to be a tough fight, but after this interview things have possibly gotten much harder for Gandhi. The anchor must be applauded for skipping the deferential tone reserved for interviews of this kind, but was the Robert Vadra question not sufficiently pertinent to be asked?

The interview has gone viral among the youth more so because of its comic nature than anything else leading to the creation of some hilarious jokes. One among them, when being how your interview went by. You can say definitely better than Rahul Gandhi. If Rahul Gandhi was a verb, a bad interview can be explained as “I rahulgandhied the interview”.

Signing Off
A.M.

Winds Of Change

Lifes funny!! And especially funnier when it makes a big fool of you. When you find yourself feel like so stupid in front of your own eyes. And especially when the feeling is all new. But I guess I made it kind of complete now, I have had the experience of having all kind of shocks in my life now. And the variety transcends all limits probably. I feel like laughing at myself, but my inner one already seems to be mocking at me. Accusing me of making a real fool of myself.

Deep down, I wonder was I so vulnerable? Am I so bad at interpreting human behaviour? C’mon it cant just be so big an illusion, the heart still finds it too hard to accept. Well, I realise I have been a guy of emotions, too sensitive, I live in my own fantasy land. My motto is “dil hai chota sa, choti si asha”. All I want is to spread love and get a little bit back, I melt too easily. But is it what I am or what I was?

Whatever it is, it is hardly anything that I will be. Enough is enough. Too much tension, pain, mental agony, fanciful dreams, love hungry behaviour, simple thoughts. Change indeed is the only constant in life and Its high time I accept the fact and let the wave of life sway me into it. I must let the winds of change blow. I am not sure how long it is gonna take me but the next phase is gonna be as cold as ice. What goes into the oven never comes out cooked. The catch is cooked is tasty but overcooked is burnt. I stayed in there too long. If i had stayed anymore, perhaps all that would have remained were ashes.

I blame no one but myself for my inanity and madness. But as people say, it indeed is a kind of madness. The kind that can make your life wonderful or the kind that could bury the heart garnished with sentiments to its grave. It just leaves a heart that pumps blood and does nothing else, enough to keep you alive and going.

Those dreams!!I wonder what do I do of them. They have been shattered no doubt but the bad part is now when I just want to get away from them, they will chase me everywhere, reminding me every moment what a dork I was. However inspite of all that, I would want the character/s of my dreams to live its dreams, even though it could not live mine.

We do mistakes, but I didn’t learn from my mistakes, so probably I deserved it. I was scared of being left alone, but now I am more lonely as I never was. And guess what, I feel good. The metamorphosis seems to have had a beginning. I promise myself- this will never ever happen again. This guy will preserve his self-prestige, and at any cost!!

Signing Off
A.M.